Sunday, 15 May 2011

What would you do??

Reg "Red Eye" Rugnort, coach of the "Red Eye Renegades" Goblin Blood Bowl team was in a black mood (not helped by the fact that Ruarok has never got round to painting him after his undercoat).

Reg, stared at the letter in his hand, a request from that overgrown, arrogant, fame seeking bunch of lousy Greenskins, "The Kingsleypark Karaoke Kydz" (so called due to the fact that on each score they make, the whole team immediately goes into a rendition of Tina Turner's "Simply The Best"), for 2 of his players, the Red Eye's Troll - Lord Omnnomnom the Third and "one other". However, the towering presence of the 2 Black Orc's who had hand delivered the letter and were now staring down at Reg, with barely concealed contempt, made it fairly obvious to Reg that this was a request he couldn't really refuse.

"Geez mi a minute" he muttered to the Orcs and shambled outside into the practice yard. "Om", he shouted loudly over the din of screaming Goblins, who were supposedly practising Reg's latest idea for a defensive play - the "Letz run fasta than they can" manoeuvre.

Lord Omnnomnom the Third, was sitting on one of the Team benches playing with some of the Snotlings (well if you can call grabbing a Snotling, tossing it up in the air and catching it in your mouth "playing").

"Om!!" roared Reg again, and the troll, dimly recognising his name turned round in his seat and stared blankly at Reg. "Om, you'ze going to go an play ball with the Orcy Boyz!" spat Reg. Om smiled back at Reg, a Snotling leg still stuck between a couple of his fangs and then went back to quietly munching.

"Now who the hellz am I gonna to send with that dozy twat?" mused Reg. The Troll's main uses, once prodded into action, were either to hit something very hard or throw across the pitch a Goblin, with or without the ball. Not surprisingly it was not a role that most Goblin players relished, not just because of the serious injury that could be suffered if a landing roll was failed by the Goblin but also due to the fact that the Troll might forget he was on a Blood Bowl Pitch and decide to have a small snack and eat the Goblin he was supposed to throw.

"Kevin!!!" bellowed Reg and from the heap of Goblins that were rolling about on the pitch crawled a particularly, downtrodden looking Gobboe, Kevin "Kung-Fu" Buttersby. "Yes Boss?" squealed Kevin as he ambled gamely up to his Coach. Kevin was not a very successful Blood Bowl player. In fact "player" was probably bordering on a breach of the Trade Mis-descriptions Act as in all the games that Kevin had played, he had barely seen the ball, never mind touched it.

"Kevin" growled Reg, "I've never liked you, so you're going with Om to play some ball with that *!%$+#~ (the exact word used by Reg has been censored for the benefit of easily offended readers) bunch of *!%$+#~ Nob Heads, the Kydz!".

"Yes Boss!" squealed Kevin, not really appreciating the gravity of his situation, for if he had had to hand the NAF (that's National Amorical Football) Guide to Facts and Figures, he would have read that the survival rate for a Gobboe playing with the Kydz was less than 10%........

The week leading up to the Kydz' next game with Ruarok's Skaven Team, "The Rat Sharks", was a terrible time for Kevin. He was treated as if he was a pile of Squig Manure by the Orcs, who would set Kevin up terribly for some practical prank during training, like forgetting to feed Om before a practice throwing session and then roaring with hilarity while they watched Om chase Kevin round the pitch.

Eventually, the day of the big game arrived. Despite the fact that the team value had been agreed before the game at 1,100,000 gold, Kizza Kanna O'Katfud, the Kydz coach, had limited choices for his Team Roster (due to the fact that I only had 2 Black Orcs and 2 Blitzers painted) but was able to bring a 13 player team to the game, with the aforementioned Black Orcs and Blitzers, 2 Throwers, 5 LineOrcs and, of course, Om and Kevin.

The Kydz won the coin toss and chose to receive. Om, took his customary position in the middle of the scrimmage line and Kevin hiding behind him. The whistle blew and with the Crowd roaring wildly in anticipation of an evening's bloodbath, I mean Blood Bowl, the game started.

However, it was not a good start for the Kydz.......

Their star Black Orc, "Ripz Izgutsout" did anything but rip guts out when on the first block of the game, this happened -

Fortunately, the Orcs had caged up on the ball, so rather than burn a re-roll on the very first turn, Ripz unceremoniously ended up on his back side. It soon turned out, though that the Kidz were not going to be the only ones to suffer from crap die rolling. The Skaven Rat Ogre, "Indio" promptly rolled a "1" and failed his Wild Animal test

The next few turns barely saw the ball or the 2 teams move off the line of scrimmage. The Crowd screamed with anticipation when "Juano", the Skaven Line Rat, spectacularly failed a one die block

But unfortunately for the crowd (but fortunately for Juano) the resulting armour break only resulted in a stun.

Indio tried to claw his way into the Orcish cage in order to try and force the ball to be spilled loose.

Kevin, in the meantime was trying to keep out of trouble and prodding Om to wake up and hit whatever was in front of him.

Indio makes his way into the Cage

But a totally unnecessary "Go for it" roll by the Skaven Stormvermin, "Toro" had a predictable result....

The Rat Sharks had lost their momentum and soon Indio found himself on his tail as the Kydz shoved forward

It was turn 4 for the Orcs and this was it, Kevin's big moment. The downfield was clear. The Star Orc thrower, "Chuk Itawa" looked hesitantly at the terrified Gobboe and handed him the ball.

"EeeeeeeK!!!!" squealed Kevin and Om responding to the sound, stirred out of his slumber. Pointing frantically at the open field, Kevin felt the Troll's claw clutch him round the collar. This was the critical moment. Hopefully, the pre match snack of 27 Snotlings and a ripened Dwarf had sated Om's hunger. The Troll pulled back his arm, belched, and then propelled the screaming Goblin, through the air. Bounce once, left, bounced twice, left again, bounce thrice, back left! almost out of the pitch!!! But the Gobboe not only stayed in bounds but on his feet. Kevin, looked around, there was no one near him. The roars of the Crowd were thunderous as the Goblin sprinted towards the line and SCORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The stadium erupted in mayhem at the unlikely sight of the tiny Gobboe prancing around in the End Zone, doing his trademark "Kung Fu" chop.

The two teams were almost frozen in time as the reality of what happened dawned on them

Kevin was a hero. Okay, a very small hero, but soon he was mobbed by his Orcish team mates as they celebrated the unlikely score. The chant echoed round the stadium, "Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!" The Orcs bellowed their theme tune, "Simply the Best". It was all too much for poor Kev who promptly fainted on the spot but a quick douse with the contents of the latrine bucket quickly brought him back to his senses.

The 2 teams re-set for the kick off. Kev was on top of the world. Oh how proud his mum would have been if she hadn't been swallowed by Gawpmouth the Giant Cave Squig while mushroom hunting.

It was at that point that I noticed a major major cock up on my part. I had been playing the whole time with

What should I do???

Ruarok hadn't noticed, neither had anybody else who had come across to have a look at proceedings!

Would I deny Kevin his crowning moment?????

But as it stood, I had cheated my way to the first score.

So Dear Reader, what would you do????????

Answers, not necessarily in a post card, in the comments box below.

While you ponder this, here are some pics of the other games that were going on at Angus Wargames Club last night

Dave T's fabulous Mogadishu game

Cowboys and Indians!!!!

Urban Mammoth Madness!

Warmaster War!

A Call to Arms- Noble Armada

So have you pondered Dear Reader? What would you do next if you had realised you hadn't been playing with a straight bat? And it doesn't have to be Blood Bowl, it might have been a crucial combat and you had miscalculated the combat modifiers in your favour and your opponent hasn't questioned it and you've now realised what has happened.

Do you want to win at all costs or do you own up and replay even though it might cost you the match/ battle?

Let's hear your comments and I will let you know what happened to Kevin and the Kydz tomorrow..................


  1. If you're in character tell them nothing but if you're a true gamer unlike Ray you will come clean my friend.

  2. You dastardly, dastardly bounder!!!

    As I said at the time, you should have immediatly forfeited the match, your offspring Raurigh agreed!

    Losing isnt painful, as my insurgents proved, 50 of them died, BUT we did kill a US Marine and forced 2 others off the table leaving behind 2 heavily wounded comrades. We the Katanga Liberation Front claim that as a moral victory, as it proves that when the going gets tough, their often voiced "no one gets left behind" is just hollow retoric.

  3. I'd come clean, coz that's the kinda guy I am......but then again I'm a lying git and wanna win, so sod 'em don't tell!! Fran's absolutely right!!