Official sanity warning - the names of the Goblin Team players in the following report are the product of Ruarok's slightly imbalanced mind.
One of the intriguing aspects about Blood Bowl is the different teams available and how differently they all play.
Without doubt, one of the most colourful and thematic of teams but also damned difficult to play with are the Goblins. With stunty, dodging Gobboes, leaping Pogoers, ball and chain wielding pyschos, grenade launching loonies as well as a buzzing chainsaw warrior and not forgetting the ponderous, stupid, hulk of a Troll who, if he's feeling peckish might actually snack on one of his teammates, the team has a lot of weird things going on and getting them all to work in unison is a challenge.
So it was tonight when I stuck to my threat from last week of playing with Ruarok's Goblin team the "Red Eye Renegades" against Alan's Khemri team (now christened the "Time Sandits").
I have won with the gobboes before, although admittedly the first time I played with them, when we were still pretty ropey on the rules, the Gobboes were dodging, using their dodge rolls and if failing them would use a team re-roll, which of course, as we now know ain't allowed - you only get one chance on your failed dodge rolls Gobboes! And so it was that that curse came back to haunt me tonight.
The Khemri kicked off and then started knocking Gobboes off the pitch left, right and centre:
Although the Gobbo fanatic, Junkie Jack Flash, started off well with a couple of knock downs with his ball and chain, he then ran into a Tomb Guardian who knocked him flat on his back despite a uphill 2 die block and resulted in automatic KO for the fanatic. The Goblin ball carrier, Smiley Joe, had, at least been thrown successfully up field by the Renegade's resident Troll, Lord Omnomnom Nom the III without being eaten but not far enough to avoid being taken down by a couple of Khemri Skeles. And although the ball did the inevitable ping pong about the pitch, the Time Sandits were able to recover, move the ball down the pitch to the waiting Blitz-ra who shambled in for score despite the desperate efforts of Captain Pigeoneye to bring the Khemri down
Still on the kick off, a riot resulted in the clock going back 1 turn, so there was time for the Gobboes to pull off something special. The Goblin Pogoer, Bertie Bouncer and his pet, Puffles the Squig, bounded into the Khemri half. Lord Omnomnom Nom the III, once again resisted the temptation to have elevenses and threw the Goblin ball carrier, Swishy, up field. Disaster!! The bouncing Goblin, instead of scattering into an empty square landed on top of Bertie, knocking both Gobboes flat on their backs and the ball spilling. Fortunately the Khemri could not take advantage of the comedy of errors and so the half closed 1-0 to the pile of bones.
The Gobboes kicked off the second half and fortuitous bounce saw the ball end up in the Khemri touchzone right in the corner. The Khemri Throw-ra moved back to pick the ball ready to pass before Bertie could bounce him down .
In the meantime the Gobbo Bomber, Santa Hussein, had managed to toss one of his grenades onto the Khemri scrimmage line, knocking over 2 of the Tomb Guardians. Then at the start of the Khemri turn 2, the Gobboes got their, if I do say so myself, one and only piece of good luck of the game. The Throw- ra, failed to pick up the ball, burned a re-roll, dropped the ball again for it to scatter off the pitch only for the ball to be thrown back on to the pitch to land 2 squares from the incredulous Bertie, who promptly bounced in, picked up the ball and bounced home for the equalising score.
The Goblin joy, however, was short lived as the casualty rate started to climb and on the Khemri's next drive they ground their way through (rather than round) the Gobbo line of defence. Desperate times required desperate moves on the part of the Gobboes and the inevitable dodge roll "1", re-roll dodge roll "1" started to happen time and time again and the impotent Greenskins could do nothing but watch as the Khemri ground home for their second score.
Gobbo turn 7 and there was one, faint chance to get back into the game. Only 7 Gobboes left on the pitch (the Troll by this time was in the hospital wing, although I have just realised I should have made a regeneration roll for the Troll - oh well when you're down and out everyone wants a piece of your ass), but if Arrer Head (he has an arrow sticking out of his head - don't ask) could dodge through the Khemri line of scrimmage and get down field there was the remote possibility of a pass and then a run into score on turn 8. But it was a big "if". Even allowing for the fact that Gobboes suffer a -1 penalty when throwing the ball, I was still relying on the Gobbo making the dodge roll and of course the useless creature tripped over his own feet. With no chance of getting into a position to score in turn 8, the Gobboes trudged off the pitch in shame at their loss.
Actually, there should be no shame in losing with Goblins, because let's face it, that's what is expected to happen!
Next week though, Alan and I are going to skip Blood Bowl, to try out his new purchase - "Incursion" by Grindhouse Games. For those of you not in the know this is Grindhouse's boardgame based on their Alternative World War II rules set - "Secrets of the Third Reich". We had a quick run through the introductory scenario tonight before the Blood Bowl game and it seemed pretty simple to pick up the game mechanics.
Nazis, Zombies, mechanised Grunts and a pyschotic, German chick in fishnet tights. What more could you want in a game?
Return here next week Dear Reader to find out more.........